Rant

Harrumph. Hand this one over to the ‘Complaint Department’. I’m cranky.

How does one live in “Jerz” without being affected by the “so called” stereotypical attributes of the Garden State (that really aren’t stereotypes after all)? They’re real. The hair, the jewelry, the nails, the leather. Bravo TV isn’t exaggerating their portrayal of the Real Housewives of New Jersey. It’s all real.

Yes, yes, there are plenty of normal people who have arrived here from other normal places (such as Brooklyn). But, they’re not the ones who own the hair salons. You can see where I’m going with this one. I just wanted a haircut. A simple one. I landed at a salon close to our house that is truly indescribable. Suffice it to say that Carmella Soprano would have had her hair done there and felt right at home amongst the vinyl “mock marble” counter tops. (In fact, the majority of the Sopranos was filmed in this area.) When the stylist found out I just wanted a trim, she told me that “I could think about that decision” while I was having my hair shampooed. When I was delivered back to her chair, she asked what I had decided. I told her I was going to keep it simple and didn’t want any more layers right now. Without a word, she started to cut my hair, which took about 5 minutes. Then she silently dried it, and I was on my merry way in less than 15 minutes. Miffed she was. Miffed that I didn’t want a Jersey “do.”

I’m overwhelmed by the shiny gold, the tanning, the makeup, the eyeliner. But, it’s seeping in slowly but surely. I’ve heard myself say out loud more than once that I may need to invest in some UV-free tanning. And, I’ve been wearing lip gloss to the playground. What’s next? Frosted highlights and snakeskin pants? It’s a slippery slope.